Loving Attention

This morning I have had three less-than-satisfactory conversations with people. They were all very minor incidents, the kind of things you brush away as not worth getting upset about, or perhaps it seems silly to be upset about. One was with a tradesman who had done a shoddy job and wouldn’t admit it. But as I went to cook lunch I realized that I was still going round and round in my head about it – it’s not how I would do business etc etc. So I hadn’t let it go, it was pinging something in me.

I decided to leave the lunch for a moment and sit down quietly. Moving my attention to the feeling in my body I could see that there was a sense of hurt. Embracing that hurt part of me, I felt that it hurt because I did not seem to be heard by this person, there was no meeting, I felt shut out. And a few other times when I had felt that way came to mind.

Sitting quietly with this, I know that if I buy into the thoughts – they are not listening to me – I am the one creating separation. But if I can see and accept the hurt I instead become the instrument for dissolving separation. Though perhaps resistance is a better word than separation, as there is really no separation.

So this only took a few minutes, but then my mind was clear of the disturbance and I felt lighter. How easy it is to think something is too small or too silly to bother with, when it actually would serve us well to give it some loving attention.

Book recommendation: The One Who Is Not Busy by Darlene Cohen. See Clean and Tidy.

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2 thoughts on “Loving Attention

  1. Alicia Post author

    Hi Norman,
    I don’t know whether I let go of it or it lets go of me. But if it ain’t going it probably needs some loving attention!

  2. Norman Trewhitt

    Thank you for this. These minor incidents are like an itch that arises during zazen. Scratch it or let it go? Life’s little koans.

    It only takes a very small pebble to drop into a still pool to make waves.

    With bows

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